Lil Nas X is pulling back the curtain on a period of his life marked by anxiety and hard resets.
In a newly released podcast interview, recorded months before his August arrest, the “Call Me By Your Name” artist spoke candidly about stepping away from the spotlight and confronting his own fears. The conversation, taped in February 2025 for Outlaws with TS Madison, marks his first long-form interview in over a year, and it doesn’t hold back.
“I Was Very Afraid to Be Seen”
The 27-year-old artist, born Montero Hill, described a stretch of time where he intentionally kept a low profile. The reason wasn’t strategy, it was survival.
“[I was] a little paranoid, ‘cause I felt like the entire world was against me,” he said. “I kind of make that up in my head. I had to really go on a self-love journey again and… really accept every single part of me… and stop trying to force change in myself all the time.”
That mindset, he explained, came with pressure to constantly evolve. But instead of pushing forward, he found himself stuck in a cycle of overthinking.
“We’re very obsessed with the idea of growth and change and forcing that and you have to let that s–t come naturally.”
Cutting Ties to Move Forward
Part of that reset involved reevaluating the people around him. Hill said he made the decision to part ways with several collaborators, not out of conflict, but clarity.
“It’s nothing personal,” he said. “I’m just like, ‘Let me see… What do I need and want for this next chapter, and what don’t I want? And what don’t I want to f—ing deal with?’ And let me make sure I’m not clinging on to what I think should be instead of what I feel.”
It’s a sentiment that reflects a broader shift in how he approaches both his career and personal life: less obligation, more instinct.
Rejecting the “Perfect” Narrative
Lil Nas X also touched on the expectations placed on him as a Black, gay artist navigating mainstream fame. He acknowledged that his bold, often playful approach to promoting music doesn’t always align with what audiences, or even parts of his own community, expect.
“I’m here to f–k s–t up. I can’t be the darling girl for a lot of the community who wants me to be like, this perfect representation of what we look like. ‘Cause that’s not even true for anybody. That’s not even true for straight people,” he said. “If anything, I should be the perfect representation because I’m not perfect. Because none of us are.”
Rather than soften his image, he’s leaning into what makes him unpredictable. That includes the theatrical tactics he’s known for, what he jokingly calls “gimmicks or schemes,” to keep audiences engaged.
A Difficult Year Comes Into Focus
The podcast arrives with added context following Lil Nas X’s highly publicized arrest in Los Angeles in August 2025. He was charged with allegedly assaulting multiple police officers who responded to reports of a man walking naked in Studio City.
He pleaded not guilty to the charges, which included three counts of battery with injury on a police officer and one count of resisting an executive officer.
Earlier this month, a judge approved his entry into a mental health diversion program, citing his bipolar disorder diagnosis as a contributing factor in the incident. According to court proceedings, Lil Nas X completed nearly two months of inpatient treatment in Arizona and has since shown progress.
If he complies with the terms of the program and avoids further legal trouble, the case will be dismissed after two years. A conviction could have carried a sentence of up to five years in prison.
Moving With Intention
Taken together, the interview and recent legal developments paint a more complete picture of an artist in transition. The bravado that helped launch his career hasn’t disappeared, but it’s now paired with a more measured approach to growth and leaning into internal work.
Instead of chasing constant reinvention, Lil Nas X is learning to sit with himself as he is. And for someone who built a career on breaking molds, that might be his boldest move yet.