Frankie Grande says writing his memoir Supergay helped him make sense of something he had struggled to understand for years.
Speaking with Tracy E. Gilchrist backstage at Titanique on Broadway, Grande explained that the memoir is structured around superheroes, with each chapter exploring a different “superpower” he discovered throughout his life. But one of the most meaningful revelations came not from a comic book, but from reflecting on his own experiences within the LGBTQ+ community.
“I didn’t understand why I got so much hate from gay men, and it’s actually femmephobia,” Grande said. “I didn’t understand that.”
That realization became the foundation of one of Supergay‘s most personal chapters, where Grande examines his relationship with gender expression and the criticism he has faced for embracing femininity.
“So recently I’ve been putting these pieces together and I thought it was really important to include that chapter in the book because it’s like, ‘What is it about me that is so scary to members within our own community?’” he said.
Grande, who identifies as a cisgender gay man, said he’s never felt the need to present himself in traditionally masculine ways.
“I choose to present myself as female oftentimes, very often, not as a drag queen, but because I love makeup and I love heels and I love glitter and I love tight revealing outfits and I want to show my ass off on a red carpet,” he said.
“It’s like these things are shocking and defy even queer gender norms.”
Looking back, Grande realized that instinct had always been part of who he was. When he first entered the music industry, he wasn’t interested in modeling himself after male pop stars.
“When I became a pop star, my very first thing I wanted to do was be Britney Spears. I wanted to be Madonna,” he said. “I didn’t want to be a male character.”
“So why, given this platform, would I choose to be trade mask presenting? I don’t. I want to be in a thong. I want to be in heels. I want to be shaking my ass. I want to be covered in glitter.”
Writing the memoir also led Grande to another realization: that the backlash he has experienced is rooted not only in homophobia, but also misogyny.
“It’s because I’m a man who chooses to present female. And why would you do that? Because women are deemed lesser,” he said.
“I am a victim of misogyny as a fem-presenting man, which is crazy to me. I’m realizing this now.”
He added, “The way that I’m hated is more in line with the way women are hated than the way gay men are hated.”
Elsewhere in the conversation, Grande explained that the superhero framework of Supergay ultimately taught him to view the qualities that once made him feel like an outsider as strengths instead. Drawing inspiration from Professor X and the X-Men, he said he came to see his queerness as his own superpower rather than something to hide.
That message extends beyond the pages of the book. Grande ended the conversation with a plea for greater compassion within the LGBTQ+ community.
“Let’s be kinder to each other,” he said. “Let’s stop autocannibalizing each other. Let’s realize the enemy is out there. … It’s not us.”