It’s a toss up whether our culture has become more or less sex positive. Shows like Sex Education might make you think more, while the increasing popularity of the 4B movement, which uses celibacy as activism, might make you think less. Regardless, Edmund White has been writing beautifully about sex for 50 years, and his writing is very, very sex positive. Sex does not appear only in his fiction, where it plays an important role in the coming of age novel A Boy’s Own Story and the psychosexual romp A Saint From Texas, but also in his nonfiction, which ranges from accounts of his time in Paris, biographies of Jean Genet and Rimbaud (both sex symbols to literary-minded folks) and the homosexual sex guide The Joy of Gay Sex. All these books celebrate and investigate sex, showing it lucidly (and, at times, lingering on it pruriently). In The Loves of My Life: A Sex Memoir, White collects all his sex memories into one book, and the result is a brilliant, envelope-pushing memoir that explores how we have sex and why. The answer? It’s fun and feels good!
White tackles hot-button issues surrounding sex deftly and frankly. In one chapter, White writes about the men he has paid for sex. He notes that paying gets you a more attractive partner and sets very clear boundaries: I pay, you give and when we’re done, we’re done. But White also describes the complicated power dynamic at play in these relationships: The patron has the power in the bedroom or back seat, but outside, the sex worker may enjoy more attention and social capital because of their youth and attractiveness. The candid tone of this chapter carries throughout the book, as, later, White writes about the age gaps he has had with several partners. While others may frown on this kind of relationship, White embraces it: His current husband, Michael Carroll, is 25 years younger than him. To White, age gaps allow for rich cross-generational interchange and the possibility of exploring exciting power dynamics.
To any White superfan (which this reviewer is), The Loves of My Life is a must-read. To those not inducted, this rousing memoir still provides intriguing, fresh ideas about how we connect. Ultimately, pleasure reigns supreme.