Santa explains that the job comes with a bevy of occupational hazards that make a bunch of defensive lineman looked like chopped liver.
“There’s no pass rush, but there are some security problems we’ve got,” he explains. “NORAD, their radar is getting much better at tracking us, right? We’ve got chimney raccoons. Sketchy pastries on plates. You never know how long it’s been there. You’ve got a mayonnaise problem sometimes. You gotta watch out for that. You’ve got your Christmas deniers and you’ve got your Santa traps.”
Peyton, like us, wonders what these potential traps might consist of.
“Let’s say you’re going down a chimney, you pop in, you see a tree,” Santa says. “The garland’s just slipped off and you decided to be a nice Santa, pick it up and put it back on the tree. You grab the garland, it grabs your hand, boom, you’re in a trap just like that.”