All right stop, collaborate and listen, the LGB Alliance is back with their brand new invention
Trans-exclusive pressure group LGB Alliance has followed in the footsteps of groups everywhere that are definitely not cults by releasing their own theme tune.
The group opted for a stripped-back, white-people-singing-gospel energy for the Bekka Bright track “Stand Up”, released on Monday to universal acclaim.
LGB Alliance, which has raked in £44,000 from online crowdfunding to fund its haphazard campaign for the exclusion of trans people from the LGBT+ community, says the track is “a message of hope and encouragement, especially for young LGB people struggling with their sexuality”.
However, much like the group’s campaign work, the song only makes a token allusion to “strong men kissin’ on the street” before spending most of its time focusing on bashing transgender people, with the chorus pleading: “Change the world, don’t change yourself.”
LGB Alliance fans can’t get enough of this sure-fire hit.
The track has naturally attracted promising reviews on social media.
One Twitter user wrote: “I played it to my 19 year old thinking it might be aimed at her age group but she spat her breakfast out and left the room crying with laughter.”
A prospective reviewer wrote: “What the f**k did I just listen to 😂 what do they think they are doing, am I supposed to be intimidated by this? Inspired? What.”
We’ll just put that down as five stars.
Everyone is thrilled at the release of 2020’s first timeless pop classic.
One enthusiastic fan enquired: “Have any of you involved with this actually heard contemporary pop music before?”
Another respondent added: “How ironic it sounds 50 years out of date.”
Sadly, the track has missed out on the eligibility period for the 2020 Grammy Awards, which take place in two weeks’ time – though we keep our hopes high for 2021.
The transgender mafia also appears to have conspired to keep the song out of the singles charts, as it’s currently nowhere to be seen, two days after its release – in what can only be described as a concerted campaign to silent dissent.
The track bears some thematic resemblance to Christian pop classic ‘The Rainbow Belongs to God’, which featured the comparable lyrical genius: “The rainbow belongs to God, untouched by evil desire. Who is the one who dares to doubt God’s warning that next time is fire? Fire! Fire!”