With Scandoval dominating headlines everywhere, it’s hard not to side-eye your partner for buying a lightning bolt necklace. Bravo fans have been shell-shocked since news dropped that Tom Sandoval cheated on his Vanderpump Rules costar and partner of 9 years, Ariana Madix. With another castmate, no less.
But this is hardly the first time we are seeing this level of cheating. After all, 80% of cheating on Bravo has taken place on VPR alone. That’s not an actual statistic because I’m not an analyst. But I am a shameless over-consumer of Bravo, which pretty much makes me a Ph.D in the arts. And by arts I mean the ability to stare at my television for hours on end watching straight mess.
Either way, Scandoval got me thinking about the other times fans endured a cheating scandal on Bravo. So here are my top picks for the ugly, the indefensible, the downright disrespect that has been inflicted upon
us by the below Bravolebrities.
It’s About Tom. No, The Other Tom
Let’s face it, when Real Housewives of New York star Luann de Lesseps found love again, we were skeptical. After being introduced by Dorinda Medley (red flag numero uno), Lu began a whirlwind romance with Tom D’Agostino.
Known as a man about town, Tom had already dated castmates Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan. I know these women run in the same circles but could they not find another bald middle-aged man to suck face with? Harry Dubin has been thoroughly worn out but there have to be other men in a city of eight million people.
Regardless, Lu could not be deterred and it seemed as though she relished in being “picked” by this sloppy thirds of a man. They got engaged and shortly thereafter, Bethenny Frankel sent up a flare with the biggest warning of them all. She sat Lu down (in front of cameras, something Lu would later blast her for), to break some news.
Luann, sensing the danger ahead, said “Please don’t let it be about Tom.” To which Bethenny replied, “It’s about Tom.” A meme and plenty of merch was born from the phrase. In fact, I still say “It’s about Tom” when I’m about to drop bad news. Much to the confusion of whoever I’m speaking with.
But the news was less of a hit with Luann. Bethenny showed her a picture of her beloved making out with another woman at The Regency. The hotel bar is now a historical landmark for Bravo fans and has a 4.5 star rating on Trip Advisor. Is it the free wifi? Or the association with one of Bravo’s biggest cheating scandals? Who’s to say?
The Countess Luann, who gave up her title to marry this bozo, went forward with the Palm Beach nuptials anyway. And she was over the moon….for a very short period of time. I don’t know if she spent too long at sea on Tom’s much-talked about yacht or if she just couldn’t stand to admit defeat. But after seven months (what is it with seven months?), the couple filed for divorce.
The divorce hit Lu hard. Her subsequent storyline featured her spiral into the underbelly of Palm Beach divorcee life. It resulted in a night of drunken debauchery, previously only seen by the likes of Tinsley Mortimer. Luann assaulted a police officer, threatened to “kill you all,” and got arrested. Then went to rehab. And eventually got an apartment overlooking Tom’s terrace, which might as well have been a yacht docked next to his in Palm Beach.
Naturally, Lu bounced back, because she’s a survivor. The RHONY star turned to cabaret to heal her broken heart. Lu’s shows are still touring the nation, taking many a small venue by storm. For his part, Tom got engaged exactly five years to the day of his wedding anniversary with Luann. Which is truly a cherry on top of the crap sundae that is this man. Good riddance, Tom!
Kay’s Cheat-o-Meter Rating – 6/10. Because the only person aside from Luann who didn’t see this coming was Ramona’s dog Coco, who was blind. RIP.
The Morally Corrupt Kelsey Grammer
Camille Grammer burst onto the scene of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with
fake bewbs guns blazing. The housewife relished in the fact that she was married to big-time TV star Kelsey Grammer. And never let us forget it.
Despite Camille name-dropping her husband harder than Ken Todd being pushed into a pool, don’t you dare suggest that Camille isn’t important in her own right. Kyle Richards found herself on the former Donatacci’s bad side after Camille claimed Kyle said no one would want to go to Hawaii if Kelsey wasn’t there. Rich people probz, ammirite?
Meanwhile, Kyle was likely spot on because Camille truly was insufferable. A sentiment shared by her uninterested husband. But what Camille lacked in humility, she made up for in determination. Determination to continue presenting her crumbling marriage as happy.
Too bad the facade was blown to pieces when Camille brought her castmates to New York to see the premiere of Kelsey’s Broadway play. You know, the one that no one could pronounce. While Camille slapped a smile on her face, it was later revealed that Kelsey only wanted her on his decrepit arm for the press. Likely to cover up his budding affair.
After that fateful night, Camille was knocked off her Hawaiian high horse when Kelsey blindsided her with a divorce. Which only became more diabolical as she put the pieces together. Number one- He got an apartment in New York to be “close” to his play. Number two- Camille wasn’t exactly invited to live there. And finally, it was his idea for her to join RHOBH. Why? To keep her busy in Beverly Hills while he cheated with a flight attendant.
Two weeks after his divorce from Camille was finalized, Kelsey married said flight attendant, who shall not be named. Camille received a hefty payout, ensuring that she would not have to go back to dancing in a cage for MTV.
But the real crime is that this man made his fortune on a show that featured the line “tossed salad and scrambled eggs” in its theme song. Thankfully, it lined Camille’s pockets and Kelsey can hang out in New York as much as he wants. Probably at The Regency. I hear they have free wi-fi.
Kay’s Cheat-o-Meter Rating – 5/10. Points were deducted for lack of creativity. A Hollywood big shot dumping his wife for a younger woman? And it wasn’t even a co-star but a regular ole civilian? Amateur hour.
Rawt In Hell
Long before Sandoval was a cheating liar face, Jax Taylor had the title of biggest scumbag on VPR all wrapped up. But nothing made him scummier than his dalliance with then-castmate Faith Stowers. At the time of his infidelity, he was dating former Hooters waitress/Kentucky proud girlfriend Brittany Cartwright.
As the story goes, Jax slept with Faith on the couch of an elderly woman whom Faith was tasked with caring for. Not exactly the sexy hookup one would expect from our SURvers. But Jax was always a “strike while the iron’s hot” type of guy. And in this case, the hot iron happened to be a sleeping senior citizen.
Jax denied it, Brittany forgave him, and he broke up with her anyway. They got back together because Brittany has a brain the size of a fried chicken wing, and they were “in a better place.” That is until Ariana played audio of Jax trashing Brittany to Faith in front of everyone, prompting Brittany to later tell Jax to “RAWT IN HELL!”
Alas, he did no such thing. More like Brittany joined him to rawt in the hell of her own making. Because they got engaged at some crab shack and eventually married at some castle in Kentucky. Which was basically the wedding venue equivalent of a crab shack. Calm down, Kentuckians. I will hate on any “castle” overtaken by these two goons to be joined in unholy matrimony. Don’t even get me started on the pastor situation.
Anyway, after viewers had to suffer through a season devoted to their wedding, the two were dumped by the show. Probably because Jax hadn’t cheated in a minute (that we know of), rendering the couple useless.
Weird to think that these two are the only VPR couple to have survived. But low standards will do that to people. So will years of drinking Pumptinis, which surely cannot be good for your brain cells.
Kay’s Cheat-o-Meter Rating – 8/10. Jax’s unconventional scene of infidelity is what nightmares are made of. I wish that brave, senior soul had come forward with her account, preferably as a sit-down interview with Oprah.
The Fake Cancer Romancer
Vicki Gunvalson is the only housewife that made my list of cheaters. The Real Housewives of Orange County OG really lost the plot, and the audience, when she started dating southern un-gentleman Brooks Ayers.
Everyone, literally everyone, warned Vicki that Brooks was bad news. But in the ultimate twist, Vicki was the real cheat because it was later revealed that Vicki cheated on Saint Donn Gunvalson with Brooks. It broke up her marriage and her kids refused to accept Brooks into her life.
Allegations of Brooks cheating continued, but Vicki ignored it all for the sake of martyrdom. Remember how she later claimed that she was being nailed to the cross like Jesus? But Jesus never stood by a man pretending to have cancer in a ploy for relevance and possibly a new set of chompers.
Eventually, Vicki kicked Brooks out of her life. But being the barnacle that he is, he continued to hang around the Bravo universe. He even had a sit down with Andy Cohen to discuss his big cancer lie. Totally unnecessary given that Justice Warrior/My Queen Meghan King had solved the mystery from the very beginning.
Vicki was ultimately booted off the show a few seasons later but continued to make headlines for dating dirtbags. After a few seasons on pause, Vicki is back on the upcoming season of RHOC. Minus a man who once said at a dinner table full of people that his favorite thing about Vicki is her vagina.
Kay’s Cheat-o-Meter Rating – 4/10. Point added for being the only woman on a list of terrible men. But multiple points were deducted for forcing us to sit through dental film of Brooks’ old teeth.
Here Lies Shannon Beador
My number one pick for the worst cheating scandal on Bravo is the tale of Shannon Beador and her overly hair-gelled husband, David Beador. When we met Shannon on RHOC, she was a tiny, environmentally friendly, feng shui ball of insecurity. Why? Because of DAVID. Yes, I said it. It’s all his fault. And always will be.
As Shannon walked us through her seemingly charmed life, something was definitely amiss in her supposedly energy-cleansed mansion. The energy wasn’t clean at all. She revealed that the couple slept in different rooms because she liked to go to bed early and he snored. They fought in front of cameras and cast. He ate chips while she toiled over a home-cooked meal. A true monster!
Shannon, in her very first season on the show, confessed that David was cheating. And wanted a divorce. Which her castmates were all too happy to revel in. It was pretty gross when I watched it back.
But Shannon was as tenacious as she was insecure, resulting in her desperately clinging to the remains of her marriage. The two went to some woo-woo marriage retreat, designed to
humiliate all involved work through their issues. And by issues, I mean David and David alone. Always David.
The result of one counseling session is one of the all-time best Bravo clips ever to grace our screens. Shannon lay at a fake gravestone while David bent over her to tell Dead Shannon what he should have told Alive Shannon. Here lies the scream that I screamed when I saw this scene.
Of course, nothing could save their train wreck of a marriage. And I don’t think David ever stopped cheating. Insert *once a cheater, always a cheater Rachel Green_gif.*
David, the only man on this list with a full head of hair (Jax’s hairline is absolutely failing), has been banished into obscurity by Our Lady Pamela Anderson, Patron Saint of Putting Up with Zero Bullshit by Any Man. (Please watch her documentary for context). David is now stuck with a dehydrated new wife, pulling stunts like posting their flat asses naked in the woods on social media.
As for Shannon, she is thriving. Despite a recent breakup, she’s my favorite post-cheating scandal success story. Even as a new housewife, she bared her worst moments of pain to the viewers. And ultimately prevailed to take edibles at a party with her castmates on the show that made her famous.
From seeking validation through pretend death to being the face of a national television ad for an e-commerce shipping company? Sounds like Shannon is the blueprint for coming out on top of a cheating scandal. Put that in your bag of chips and smoke it, David.
Kay’s Cheat-o-Meter Rating – 10/10. No notes.
Real Housewives of Miami star Lisa Hochstein might be suffering one of the most humiliating cheating scandals on Bravo at the hands of her husband, Dr. Lenny Hochstein. While it’s salacious, egregious, and grounds for shaving Lenny’s head while he sleeps, it’s too new to be a full feature here. As details continue to emerge, I’m sure Lisa and Lenny’s cheating drama will be part of my next list. Pending editor approval.
I’m So Glad Juan Dixon Isn’t Here Right Now has also earned himself an honorable mention. Not because he is a confirmed cheater but because, well, close enough. When Real Housewives of Potomac star Robyn Dixon finally admitted that Juan might be on the wrong side of #herstory, fans were like, “Duh.”
But Robyn maintained that Juan did NOT cheat on her. It’s rumored that the episode took place after Robyn underwent a full lobotomy. Don’t ask me for a source on this because it only exists in my imagination, ok?
Anyway, Robyn regaled us with a tale of Juan being a knight in shining armor for a Canadian woman who was just trying to get laid by a pro baller (not Juan) during a global pandemic. So he showed up in person to give her his credit card to pay for a hotel room so she could sleep with said (other) athlete? What was he supposed to do? Mind his own business and let some rando suffer at a Red Roof Inn? No sir. Not on his watch.
Let’s face it, Robyn knows how ridiculous it sounds. And she knows that Juan is probably a cheater. But she’s endured years of dysfunction with this man. And is setting herself up for many, many more. Now, all we need is to deploy the headband signal to alert Meghan King to another mystery that must be solved. Because this Joker will certainly strike again.
TELL US – WHO DID I MISS? WHICH CHEATING SCANDAL WAS THE WORST IN YOUR OPINION? WHAT OTHER LISTS DO YOU WANT TO SEE US DO?
[Photo Credit: Jerod Harris/WireImage]