Sometimes the narrative on Summer House can feel a little, well, stop-and-start. Since the cast only gets together on the weekends, we occasionally have to contend with editing that leaves a montage in the middle of the episodes between subsequent weekends. Sometimes this works to a storyline’s advantage. Like last episode when Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula tearfully made up on a Thursday afternoon. Other times, it makes the episode feel…clunky. And that’s unfortunately what we get this week. But hey, no summer is perfect, right?
The episode kicks off immediately in the wake of Craig Conover‘s bombshell revelation that he’s hooked up with Kristin Cavallari. (Last name redacted, of course.) This is devastating news to Paige DeSorbo. But do we really believe him? First of all, I love my sweet Craigy more than most, but Kristin has repeatedly denied hooking up with either him or Austen Kroll on multiple occasions. And when you take a step back and think about it, the Southern Charm-er is really the one with the most reason to lie. Or exaggerate. Or whatever. Because saying he’s hooked up with Kristin not only makes Paige jealous, it gives him major street cred. Do I think Craig and Kristin have ever drunkenly kissed? Sure, maybe. But do I think they’ve had sex? I’d say that’s highly unlikely.
Still, the night ends on a weird note. And so everyone needs to hit the reset button the next morning. But even though she woke up in his bed, Paige is still left feeling unsettled about where she really stands with Craig. And Lindsay Hubbard isn’t even on speaking terms with the Charmer after throwing him under the bus the night before. The best way to shake off these weird vibes? By hitting a bourgeois pool party at Capri Southampton. The gang has a private cabana and the largest bottle of rosé ever seen. There’s a violinist in board shorts instead of a DJ. Mya Allen has to teach Kyle how to properly pronounce spanakopita. It’s a whole Hamptons vibe.
Lindsay spends her time at the party determined to pick up a 38-year-old Greek man named Chris at the bar. Kyle‘s on his best behavior while Amanda‘s willfully choosing not to look for red flags that she shouldn’t get married. And Danielle Olivera‘s partying harder than anyone and ordering shots for the entire pool. However, eventually the drama from the night before can’t help but rear its head as both Lindsay and Craig rehash their sides of the argument to different parties. And poor Paige is left trying to hide that she’s upset at the thought of Craig hooking up with someone else.
By the time the roommates come back to the house, Danielle is very drunk. Like, falling asleep outside in a pool chair drunk. In fact, the only thing that wakes her up is a FaceTime from Luke Gulbranson. Our favorite Minnesota model is alive! He’s been entirely absent from the first three episodes of the season, hiding out in his home state for the Fourth of July. But Luke promises he’ll be back in time for the next weekend. The crew will finally be complete!
While Mya leads dinner preparations, Ciara Miller pulls Lindsay outside for a chat. She wants to get to the bottom of the accusations Craig was throwing out the night before about HubbHouse and Austen. Specifically that they’ve been secretly dating for the past four years while continuing to see other people. Because that definitely wasn’t how things appeared during Winter House. And it would definitely throw a major wrench in Ciara’s already complicated feelings for the Trop Hop founder. However, Lindsay insists that she’s fully single and couldn’t be more over any ideas of romance her one-time bestie. She promises Ciara that nothing has happened since they all left Vermont. End of discussion.
And while Amanda is taking Craig to task in the kitchen for embarrassing her friend over the Kristin drama, Paige is upstairs getting some revenge of her own. Namely in Andrea Denver whisking her up the stairs and throwing her on her bed. Yes, Ciara happens to be there already, but that doesn’t stop the Italian from finally stealing a kiss from his favorite fashionista. That’s how being non-exclusive works, right Craigy? All’s fair in love and war between millennials…
After a family dinner of lasagna, Mya spends the evening bonding with Carl Radke while all the rest of the housemates hit the hot tub. And before you know it, Sunday morning arrives and the weekend is over. Here’s where we get the Monday-through-Friday montage that essentially cuts the episode in half. We see Kyle taste-testing a new Loverboy flavor (strawberry lemonade!). Mya introduces viewers to her dogs, Garlic Aoli and Bucatini, and her at-home cookie business The Knead. And Paige updates her mom on all the drama happening in her love triangle. (The DeSorbo matriarch is rooting for Andrea, for the record.)
The next weekend marks Amanda‘s 30th birthday, and the roommates are celebrating with a ’90s-themed bash. Or maybe it’s Y2K. No one really knows. Basically between the decorations, Cosmic Brownies and everyone’s outfits, it feels like an attempt at recreating an episode of TRL. Lindsay kicks off the gift-giving with a perfectly on-theme present: a pogo stick. And turns out Amanda is kind of a pogo stick master? By the time Luke gifts her with a sweet donation in her name to the animal shelter where she fosters puppies, it dawns on Kyle that he didn’t get his fiancée a gift. For her 30th birthday. This is bad.
With Craig gone, all of Paige‘s attention can now be focused on Andrea. Which works to the model’s advantage during a rowdy game of spin the bottle. Lindsay accosts Ciara, and Paige also kisses the birthday girl. But the real highlight of the game is when Alex Wach‘s spin lands on Ciara…and it turns out the newly christened New Yorker isn’t all that mad about it! Turns out the newbie has a good set of lips when you’re not distracted by all that muscle. In Ciara’s own words, the kiss has officially turned the personal trainer into a “contender.”
After the game, the party sort of dissipates with the roommates retreating to different corners of the house to eat their Ring Pops and gossip. But the problem remains that Kyle never booked the romantic birthday getaway he was planning to give Amanda for her birthday. And we’re now at the tail end of the party. Paige launches into emergency mode to save her bestie’s birthday. And even goes as far as booking a trip for Kyle to the Bahamas. But even that’s a no-go when Kyle realizes you need a passport to get there. (His expired during the pandemic.)
Of course by the end of the night, the anxiety over turning 30 the following day hits Amanda like a wrecking ball. She’s suddenly in tears worrying about whether everyone really had fun or the party felt forced. And she doesn’t even know that Kyle doesn’t have a gift yet. Paige, Ciara and Mya try to help her rally, and it seems to be working. Well, until Paige goes to get a water and gets abducted by Andrea for a secret makeout. Because spin the bottle wasn’t enough for the Italian Stallion. The episode ends with Amanda’s 30th ticking closer and both her fiancé and best friend nowhere to be seen…
TELL US – DO YOU THINK CRAIG IS TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT KRISTIN? WERE YOU HAPPY TO SEE LUKE FINALLY RETURN? IS THERE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN ALEX AND CIARA? WILL KYLE BE ABLE TO RECOVER FROM NOT GETTING AMANDA A GIFT?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]